Funny Story Friday

I'm on a roll with these weekday alliterations!

For some reason when I made my post yesterday, from my phone, the time stamp was way off and it posted below other posts…so check it out if you like a little philosophical meandering!

I know Staten Island is the laughing stock of NYC and my funny story doesn't really dissuade that opinion, but I mean if you can't beat 'em join 'em right?!

When I used to live on Long Island, I would leave either very early in the morning or late at night (around 9 or 10 PM) to drive home to pennsylvania. It would take me about 2.5 hours to get home with no traffic, so leaving at a late time didn't really affect my sleep.  I left at odd times because god forbid I left at other times, I would ultimately get stuck on the Belt Parkway, Verrazano Bridge, or the State Island Expressway and my trip would turn into 5 hours rather than 2.5.  Also, it was just nice to cruise through those highways with no traffic and be able to keep my pulse rate at a regular level.

One particular Sunday night, I left Long Island between 8 and 9 PM.  Before I left, I went to the store and bought myself a delicious chocolate chip cookie and chocolate milk.  Great, I thought, this will keep me going until I get home.  As I was driving home, the traffic was moving pretty well.  No major stops, no parking lots for parkways.  I successfully made it over the Verrazano Bridge and my hopes were high that I would make it through this trip without any major delays.  The Verrazano was also somewhat of a marking point for me, because I knew I was off Long Island, and only had to make it through Staten Island, then the long stretch of New Jersey turnpike would lay out before me.  So far, so good.

But I start seeing some red tail lights ahead of me….then some more, then some more….it was getting backed up.  At the beginning of my trip I had to pee, just a little bit, but I figured I'd make it home.  But, by this time, my bladder was starting to weigh heavy and I knew I would have to go soon.  Since the SIE is surrounded by housing and commerce; there are no rest stops, and I figured I could just pull off at the nearest exit.

Off the exit, I started to realize that most of the places were I would use a bathroom were closed because it was late on a Sunday night.  Even most fast food places were not open, so I continued to drive around looking for options.  By this time my bladder was getting heavier and heavier and I was realizing my options were slim to none.  With my best judgement I pulled over to the side of the road.  I found a street with many trees and then I found a lawn with a lot of shrubbery…..and that's right, I popped a squat in someone's lawn.

I know many of you (including myself) have done this while drunk and boys, I am sure you are used to this all the time; but it still technically was a city so "lawns" are more like a small patch of grass.  And being a girl you basically have to half disrobe with people walking up and down the street.  Had the owners looked out the window….But, it worked…I didn't get caught…and I guess we can say that Staten Island really is the toilet of the city!